Something Good
Life is fucking hard right now. If you’re anything like me, it feels like the world is about to end any moment. We’re waiting to fall, teetering on the edge, ears listening for the whisper of how our lives are going to be thrown into another set of unprecedented times. It sucks.
A common practice to combat this stress and anxiety is ‘gratitude.’ Write three things you are thankful for every morning and/or every night before you to sleep. I’ve tried it. For about a month, I successfully wrote in my gratitude journal almost every night, and I did notice a difference.
But damn, it was a chore.
I’m a tired of ‘gratitude.’ When I think of ‘being grateful’, I’m immediately in the “I should” part of life aka the Guilt and Shame section. It feels like it has to be this big thing and if I don’t mention the obvious, I’m doing it wrong. So, I don’t stick with it. But when I focus on just something good?
Semantics, I know, but this is easy. Well, easier, depending on the day. If I hear the negative and need to break out of it, finding ‘something good’ is a lot more soothing than ‘being grateful.’
When upheaval enters my life, I go to the beach, beautiful day or no.
Something good.
I make a really delicious meal and find a new favorite food (looking at you, risotto).
Something good.
Haven’t caught up with my long distance friends in over a month and they’re all free this weekend to catch up?
Something good.
Booked a trip to my ‘see before I die’ place?
Something good.
Found new music to love?
Something good.
Could I use the word "grateful” for each one of these? Yes, I most certainly could. But that feels so heavy. Instead of making me feel better about all the horrors and challenges right now, it’s making me feel worse. I should have been grateful for even just waking up, for nature’s resilience, for friendships lasting seventeen years. The idea that I didn’t already feel that way, that I needed something to go wrong before I could recognize my gratitude, drowns me in guilt and shame.
Of course, the idea of the daily practice is to recognize the gratitude regardless of what is happening, and thus not waiting. Theoretically, it then builds a steady ground so life doesn’t feel so hard. And hey, maybe I’ll get there. Until then, I’m just going to keep finding something good.
